Written by Jennifer Elworthy, Director of Engagement and Career Coach at Fertility Matters at Work
Being a fertility-friendly manager is simple. It just requires something most good managers already have: the willingness to show up for your people.
Fertility challenges affect 1 in 6 people and pathways to parenthood can take many forms — IVF, recurrent loss, donor eggs or sperm, male factor infertility, surrogacy, adoption. And it doesn’t only affect the person in treatment. Partners, co-parents and those on alternative paths to parenthood are navigating this too, often in silence. That means right now, somewhere in your team, someone may be navigating IVF appointments, pregnancy loss or the hidden grief of another failed cycle, all while trying to deliver in their role and keep it together in your Monday morning meeting.
Here’s something that might surprise you. Our research shows that 70% of employees going through fertility treatment choose to talk to their line manager first, rather than HR. And yet 87% of managers have received no training whatsoever to help them manage this conversation.
As one employee told us: “There was no guidance or training, so my manager had to use his judgement. This added a layer of stress.”
That gap isn’t a failing on managers’ part. Nobody told you what to say or prepared you for this conversation, and you’re busy leading a team and being brilliant at your day job so probably haven’t sought out this training. But the good news is that being a fertility-friendly manager is far more achievable than most people think. You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to know where to start.
Here are three simple steps to get you there.
Step 1: Create a Safe Culture
As Victor Lipman writes in The Type B Manager, people leave managers, not companies. The foundation of fertility-friendly management is the everyday culture you create as a leader.
That means showing genuine concern for your people as human beings, not just as resources. It means placing real value on empathy and inclusivity, not just listing them in a values statement. It means promoting open discussion and actively reducing stigma. By doing this, when someone is struggling with a life event, they already know they can come to you.
Safe culture isn’t built in a single conversation. It’s built in the accumulation of small, consistent moments where people feel respected and valued. And it starts long before anyone needs to disclose anything.
Step 2: Listen, don’t fix.
When someone discloses a fertility challenge to you, the instinct is often to jump straight into problem-solving mode. But your role as a manager isn’t to fix. Before anything else, just listen and acknowledge what they’ve shared. Fertility struggles carry enormous emotional weight and the person sitting across from you has likely spent a long time working up the courage to say something. What they need in that first conversation is to feel heard and safe.
A simple response like “Thank you for telling me. That sounds really hard. What would be most helpful for you right now?” goes further than most managers realise. It hands the control back to the employee and signals that you’re following their lead, not your own agenda.
From there, four questions can guide the conversation:
“How can I support you?” This is like a breath of fresh air after baring your soul. Support can take many forms, like flexible working, mental health resources, a lighter workload, or a big project to focus on as a distraction. Everyone’s needs are different, so ask rather than assume.
“Are there any accommodations I can make for you at work?” “Fertility treatment can leave someone feeling exhausted, anxious and emotionally wrung out. That’s true whether they’re the one in treatment or the partner supporting them through it. Small adjustments matter more than you might think, such as flexibility around appointments, a private space when they need it, or simply not having to explain themselves every time. Ask, don’t guess.”
“How would you like me to handle pregnancy announcements?” This one is asked less often but it matters. Some people will be fine, others may be happy for their colleague but sad for themselves and just need a heads up, others won’t be able to handle it in a professional environment. Don’t assume, simply ask.
“Can I check in with you again?” This keeps the door open without forcing it. Things change, so agree on check-in intervals and follow through. And be genuinely okay if the answer is no. Not everyone wants to share updates and that’s their right.
Step 3: Signpost Support
Your role as a manager isn’t to be your employee’s therapist or doctor. It’s to connect them with the right help. That means three things: know what’s available, make it easy to access and follow their lead on when and how to use it. Organisations that do this well see the difference this makes. Fertility Matters at Work member, Autotrader, have a dedicated people manager hub with mandatory Essentials Training, embedded fertility and baby loss guidance, and clear signposting to EAP services and external partners. It’s there when their managers need guidance to handle conversations well.
“We’re not expecting managers to remember everything, but we’ve worked hard to signpost a dedicated space where they can find guidance on fertility and baby loss support, including help with specific conversations like supporting someone through IVF while a colleague is pregnant. Our leadership team have also shared their own stories of building careers through treatment, which opened conversations we couldn’t have had otherwise. We didn’t build any of this alone, Fertility Matters at Work helped us get there.” Sheryl McKean, Fertility & Baby Loss Lead, Autotrader
When managers show up with empathy, clear communication and practical flexibility, workplaces become genuinely inclusive spaces where people feel safe sharing and receiving support.
And when businesses support managers to get this right, they retain talented people, maintain productivity and build a culture where loyalty runs deep.
You don’t have to figure this out alone
None of this requires you to become an expert. That’s what we’re here for.
At Fertility Matters at Work, we are the experts — so you don’t have to be. We work with organisations across the UK to train managers, develop workplace policies, and build cultures where employees feel genuinely supported. Whether you’re starting from scratch or ready to go further with our Knowledge Hub or Fertility Friendly Employer accreditation, we’ll guide you every step of the way.
Get in touch with the FMAW team today and find out how we can support you and your people.